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2003-08-12 - 10:22 p.m. Word of the Entry: spork It's incredibly sad when I look forward to going to work so I don't sit here staring at my screen trying to feel like I'm worth something. Home has changed into a place that only reminds me of what I have yet to do - in school, in friendship, in life. Though menial, at least at work I'm doing something that helps someone else. All of this seems so superfluous, really. I mean, is this all worth the damage I've caused? I try so hard to make a difference in people's lives, to make myself worth something... and every single time I mess up. Every single time I push people away instead of showing them that love they can't understand. Every single time. It seems as though almost every entry that I write here turns out to be how much I've failed. Well I don't want sympathy. I don't want millions of messages of encouragement because it won't help. It won't change what I'm feeling. The insignificance. The futility. I just want to go home. To my eternal home. It seems as though all I do down here is mess up everything I'm supposed to be doing. I don't see what I'm accomplishing except screwing up. I just wish He'd take me home.
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